Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Pin It Okay, time for a serious post.

I seem to be having some anxiety issues. I keep thinking that I will adjust and it will get better, but so far it actually seems to be getting worse. This isn't something that I've experienced before and I don't really know how to handle it. I did have a doctor prescribe anti-anxiety medication for me before, and I took it for a short time, but then my problem was more a reaction to some other medication rather than actual anxiety. I've been depressed before, and this isn't that at all. This is:

- checking way too many times to see if the doors are locked ... even waking up when I'm asleep to check ... cars, house doors ... I sit there and tell myself that I KNOW I already did it, but then wonder if maybe that was last night that I'm thinking about, or wonder if maybe I just THOUGHT that I already checked. It's crazy, I know.

- worrying about the kids when they're out of my sight. (If you've kept my children, please don't read too much into that! This isn't a non-trust issue at all, it's a compulsive worry thing. Or something like that.)

- not sleeping well. I've always been a light sleeper, but now I feel like I have that "mom of a newborn" sleep again, where you sleep so lightly because you're afraid they're going to make a peep and need you. I've considered taking a tylenol PM or benadryl ... or even calms forte and have been afraid to, for fear that it would make me sleep too deeply.

Anyway ... it is worst at night, but I'm kind of starting to feel like I am just losing it. I don't know what to do about it. I know that the Lord is perfectly capable of caring for my family, and doesn't need me to be exhausted and grumpy because I'm living in fear, but I also don't know how to hand this over to Him. I don't know if I need to seek help or what. I'm already taking enough medicine for various things and I really do not wish to add another prescription to the mix either. I certainly don't want to take anything that is going to have a "make me weird" adjustment period, because I'm weird enough without medication, thankyouverymuch.

So what do I do? I guess I'm posting this seeking prayers, just that I would figure out a way to manage this, or I would know for certain that I need to seek external help. Better yet, just pray that this is an adjustment thing that would go away soon. I feel weird even posting this. Anyway ... here's the "how is Melanie doing?" post of the week.


Becky said...

I am praying, Melanie. May He grant you rest, peace, comfort, and direction for whether you just need to "hang in there" or seek other help.

Kinda related: do you have access to any support from other Army wives in the area? They may have some BTDT insight to share.

Mom2Mcube said...

Grab on and hold tight! You are going to get through this! I promise. I love you and you are always in my prayers!!!!

little castle said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Melanie}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't have any words of wisdom because I haven't been through it. Praying that someone who has can give some advice.

Jessica said...

I just half type a comment and it was REEEEAAAYLLY I erased it and I'm just going to email you. go check your email. :)