Wednesday, February 3, 2010

On the Verge ...

Pin It ... of something. I'm just not sure what.

Ever feel that way? Like the Lord is trying to teach you something, and you're right there on the verge of getting it, but not quite there yet?

I'm very much there right now.

Some kind of breakthrough is just out of reach, almost close enough to touch, but I just can't yet.

I don't know - maybe it's just some general optimism about life. Things have been going well around here. A long term goal has been met (seriously - a goal set within days of moving here that seemed so unattainable at the time has been met!) There have been positive marital changes from afar, and for the first time since the army stuff started, I am feeling like I'm understood, and learning to understand. The kids settled back into their regular routine pretty quickly. Things are just generally going well around here.

But I keep feeling like the Lord is trying to shake me up in some ways. (Don't read more into that than is there.) I've been reading some things, and have been wondering if Jesus and God, as I know them, are REALLY who they are. Deep thoughts I know. I suspect that there are lots of routines in my life that are simply that, routines, or even religious routines, and I suspect that there is just way more out there than that.

But, I really don't know where it leads. I feel like I am right on the verge of finding out, but I'm not there yet.

And I do mean it when I say don't read too much into this. It's just thoughts in my head currently, and actually thoughts without much direction. Maybe a quest to find out if what I have believed for ages is accurate, or why I believe what I believe. Or maybe it's just that the Lord wants to take me to a deeper place.

I honestly don't know.

I'm kind of excited about it though.