The Really Expensive Elcair

Pin It Alternate title:  Burner = 1, Hand = 0

So, in my effort to be like my Aunt Nancy, when my nephew needed a dessert for a party he was having, I agreed to make him one.

(As an aside ... college students ... living in dorms ... is it really reasonable to have a party for them where they are expected to bring food?  Seriously?  I am giggling imagining the number of oreos and bags of chips that will be brought to that party.  But I digress.)

Nephew wanted an eclair cake.  I'll put the recipe at the end, it really is fabulous and looks even more fabulous, but it's pretty easy so it's a great dessert to take to a function.

Monday is a super busy day, so I needed to make this dessert Sunday night.  No problem.  The crust has to boil on the stove then go into the mixer, then cook, so I got to work on the boiling part.  After that, it sits and cools off for a few minutes.  I was rocking right along, had the dough in the mixer cooling and decided to move the block of cream cheese that I had sitting on the stove to another part of the stove so it would soften evenly rather than cold on the top and runny on the bottom.

And then.

Left hand on cream cheese ... right hand ... ON THE BURNER.  We have a ceramic flat top stove so occasionally it becomes additional cabinet space.  It has a little red light that comes on that says basically "HEY, this surface is way too hot for delicate things ... LIKE HANDS ... so if you see that red light?  Don't put your hand up there."  I completely missed the red light.

Okay, so I could avoid screaming as long as there was cold water running gently over my hand.  Stop the water, start the screaming.  Seriously.  Two of my children are probably traumatized from this.  The third child wasn't home so I will leave that off of her counseling list.  (What?  Y'all don't have lists of things to make it easier for your child when they're in counseling in the future?  That's just me?)  Eventually I found that I could move to cold water in a bowl and would just start howling when the water started becoming warmer.  Then the little one brought me his "throat ice" which is the ice gel thing we used after his tonsillectomy.

After sending out a facebook plea for silvadene - which it turns out I am actually allergic to! - and not getting a response and still wanting to scream an hour later, I told Jim I had to go to the ER.  The oldest had finished the crust for the dessert and it was out of the oven, and I was babysitting kids when I was her age so we went to the ER.  Because what's really fun on a Sunday night is spending time in the ER.  Apparently a couple of my dear friends actually think so though, because they came and sat with me.  :)  The Lord did not skimp at all when He gave me friends.  :) :) :)

btw - if you go to the ER and a gel pack is the only thing that is keeping you from screaming, and you're going to be waiting for over an hour, that gel pack is not going to retain it's coldness for long enough, and the receptionist will tell you that she can't get you an icepack until you're triaged.  Fabulous.  Just hope that you have enough change to buy a drink because it will be cool enough to wrap your hand around it so you don't have to scream in the lobby.  I understand that the other sick people really frown on that.

Finally they got me in and OHMYHEAVENS blessed pain relief.  They told me that silvadene is a sulfa based drug and I wouldn't be getting any, plus it wasn't used so much now anyway.  I remember from a previous burn how fabulous that stuff was so I was really sad about not leaving with some, but after the pain shot, it didn't seem to matter so much.  I kept talking to my friends and wondering if I was making any sense at all, and I hope I didn't give them really good blackmail material.  ;)

Nearly two days later and I have use of my fingers again!  I can type! 

The crazy thing?  My hand did not - and does not - look that awful.  In proportion to how badly it was hurting, I was expecting a ground beef experience.  Nope.  Two days later, there is one big blister, seven or eight smaller blisters, and a bunch of red skin.  Red skin that hurt when I tried to take a warm shower this morning.  Because really, what's more fun than a cool shower when it's 50 degrees out?  My daughter looked at it earlier and wanted me to point out the burned places to her.

We can conclude here that:
1.  I have a pretty low pain tolerance.
2.  My daughter is half blind.
and
3.  Whether or not this warranted an ER visit, neither me nor anyone else in my house was going to sleep unless I got some pain relief.  Period.  Whether the neighbors would be similarly affected was a consideration as well.

That, and I should get some fabulous aunt points because I still made the dessert.  And apparently it was really good.  Cost of dessert:  ingredients $12-ish.  ER visit $75, although there was a discount, and the lady was trying to tell me about it post pain shot.  Thankfully my friends understood her, I think.  I really don't think the lady made much sense though, even if I hadn't had a mind altering substance in my body.  Total cost?  Would have been cheaper to go to Rao's and get a beautiful fabulous bakery dessert.  Oh well.

Here's the recipe:

1 cup water
1/2 cup butter
1 cup flour
4 eggs
one container chocolate frosting
2 small boxes instant vanilla pudding
3 1/2 cups milk
8 oz package of cream cheese
container of cool whip
chocolate syrup

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Boil water and butter.  When it's boiling, add flour and stir until a dough forms while still leaving it over the heat.  When the dough is in a big ball, move it to a mixing bowl and cool for five minutes.  (It would be really good to NOT put your hand on the burner at this time.)

Add one egg to the dough and beat mixture.  Add the second egg and beat.  Repeat with the third and fourth eggs.   

Spread dough in greased 9x13 dish and bake for 35 minutes.  The dough will "climb" up the edges and corners and will look very light and pretty.

Let the crust sit until completely cooled, then spread the chocolate frosting on the bottom.

Beat cream cheese, add milk and pudding mixes and beat all together until it's well blended.  (I have yet to ever get this completely smooth, I just go with it as it is.)  Pour that on top, then top with cool whip.  Drizzle some chocolate syrup over the top and refrigerate until it's ready to be served.