Neediness: I am not a fan.

Pin It Let me start by saying I am in no way or no how complaining about anyone other than ME in this post!! I want to make that clear, because having people offer to help me is a HUMONGOUS blessing! Especially when I look back a few years and remember a period of time in which I spent way too much time and money in a certain store because the clerks there would talk to me, when I had no friends. Of course they did, I was single-handedly paying their salaries! Pathetic, huh? This post is not about that, but before I even start typing, I wanted to say that I know what it's like to not have a support system, which makes me appreciate the fabulous one I have now all the more.

The point of this post is coming, I promise.

Every time I go to church, about five different people tell me to call them if I need anything. Today I had to go to Walmart. Two people in there told me to call them if I need anything. Three people have told me that they want to coordinate the needs we have for us.

WOW. I am blown away by this. The thing is - I know every single person who has told me this means it, completely. I am SO blessed, and I know it. I am so touched that people would really be willing to do what they can to help us out. I haven't ever been loved on in this manner. At first I was thinking that people were just saying that, but no, that's not the case. THEY MEAN IT. I''m not kidding when I say I'm blown away by it. After my conversation with a man at walmart today, I had to go hide behind and aisle to just cry for a minute. I do not deserve this kindness!

It feels funny to me. A dear friend who is probably reading this asked me last week if I actually would let people know about needs I had. That's where it gets difficult. I'm just now at the point where I can ask someone for help with the kids for a couple of hours without feeling guilty about it. And even for that, I ask people for whom I can return the favor.

I just have a hard time asking for help. Why is that? I know why it is.

It's a PRIDE issue. I want to be a "together" person and not need help, and yet I'm in a place where I KNOW I'm going to need help and will have to ask for it. Not only that, we are MADE to need other people. I've heard sermons about that recently, and countless people have made reference to that fact in both casual conversation and in specific words to me. It's okay to not be completely self-sufficient, actually it's a good thing to rely on others from time to time. Oh, but it's hard.

The Lord and I are dealing with my pride problems. Especially when the realization hit that I don't necessarily want to BE perfect, I just want YOU to think I am. Ouch, that hurts! It doesn't even work -- I seriously doubt anyone who reads this blog holds ANY illusion of perfection on my part. It doesn't even make sense either. I don't think badly of people who need my help with one thing or another, so why on earth would I think that people would think badly of me? Craziness.

I know this is kind of a rambling post. I figure it will be kind of interesting to read through this whole journey at some point in the future, so it's good to document it all as the Lord is working on me through it.

Again -- if you're one of the people who has offered help to me, I thank you. I am so blessed!

The Prayer Request Post

Pin It Lots of people have asked about specific prayer needs we have. Here are a few:

My oldest: She is the one who is struggling the most. Bless her heart, she's at a tough age anyway, and she's trying to be all stoic and unemotional. It keeps coming out as a bad attitude. I'm really not quite sure how to handle it, to be honest. I understand why she's acting the way she is (have I ever mentioned that she is so much like me that it's scary? Poor kid!) but I don't want to let the bad behavior go. She needs to be able to express her emotions in a healthy manner. Screaming at her sister for the tiniest infraction is not expressing in a healthy manner! Also, could y'all pray that I won't rely on her TOO much? She's so fabulous with her brother, and is very capable around the house, but she's also ten, and I want her to enjoy being ten and not stepping up to fill a role that isn't hers to fill. I don't want to get lazy and push too much responsibility on her.

My middlest: She's the emotional one around here. For her, it's more a struggle to get her to NOT express every emotion she has in the exact moment she has it. ;) She's struggling too though, bless her little heart. She's the one who asks why and about 18,000,000 other questions, and will ask them all 30 times if she doesn't get a satisfactory answer. (And apparently, "because" is not a satisfactory answer.)

My youngest: Maybe we just need patience as we deal with him. He's a sweetie, really he is, but OHMY, what a HANDFUL he is! He likes to play rough and be tickled and have piggy back rides. Mommy isn't so great at that. It's going to be tough for him, and for us, to meet his "100% pure BOY" needs. We may need to rent a dad every now and then.

For me: Really the only request I have at this point is that I don't get depressed or overwhelmed. Both seem to just incapacitate me. It would be great if the adjustment goes well and we can get to some sort of schedule ... or at least right now it seem that it would be great. In reality, who knows.

For Jim: Honestly, I don't know. He's excited but his wife FREAKS if he happens to mention that. He's a good dad, and I know it's going to be incredibly difficult for him to be away from his kids for this long. Maybe I'll let him hijack my blog and let you know specifically how to pray for him. No matter what his specific needs are though, God knows. Of course, please pray for his safety.

For all of us -- these next two weeks are just emotionally charged. Please pray that we can enjoy each other and can get past the whole stress of it all.

And, something has happened again with my brother, and he's not doing well. My parents don't know many details, other than he's in the hospital again. My mom is planning to talk with his doctor tomorrow.

Thank you all for praying for us.

Not Me!

Pin It Welcome to Not Me Monday!



Life is not running at a super crazy pace these days, and I'm not so overwhelmed with all that needs to be done that I seem to be incapable of doing any of it! Nope, not me! I do not have a bedroom that needs cleaning, laundry that needs folding, bathrooms that need ... well, a *lot* considering one of them is used frequently by a three year old boy ... costumes that need something ... I don't even know what! (Yes, it is also not me who received these costumes about two months ago and never even took them out of the package. Let's all have a moment of prayer that they even fit and don't require 78946567126 rhinestones each, as recital is FRIDAY. Procrastinate much? Nope, not me!!)

I have not been going between anger, tears, denial, and being perfectly fine at an alarming pace. It has not caused me to wonder if I should just put a sticker on my shirt to warn people in advance. (Um, so if you're reading this ... you might want to consider yourself warned. I'm just sayin'.)

The not me family: We did not make a trip to Houston on Friday for the specific purpose of getting an ID for the one child who could not get a permanent ID when we went before due to her parents losing her social security card. We also did not get the clue when we went to the first place and found it closed, that it was entirely possible, even likely, that the second place would be closed as well. We did not drive all the way across Houston to find this out. This would not have been easily discovered by a simple phone call. We did end up having a pretty good day in Houston anyway though. :)

And one more ... I did not break into the UGLY CRY at church yesterday. I'm sure the poor visitors that were sitting right in front of me were not concerned at all that there was a complete breakdown occurring right behind them. You know that cry that I think we all have when we've held it in and held it in and then suddenly it breaks out and you can't stop it? Nope, didn't happen to me.

Oh, and I thought of one more. One of my children is not receiving a $5 from the "tooth fairy" (which she really doesn't believe in at all) because her parents were too lazy to run out to the car to try to dig up change. We did not look through everything in a one foot radius from where we were sitting and come up with a $5 bill and three quarters and decide to just go with the $5. Another child did not HOWL in protest and question if her sister's teeth are made of gold or something. I did not just tell her that I'd give her a $5 too, if she'd just stop complaining. To carry this a little further, I don't actually have another $5 to give her. Think she'll forget? Nope, not her. I forsee a trip to the ATM and then to the gas station to buy a pack of gum so she can have a $5. All of which could have been avoided if I would have just been willing to run out to my car ... at midnight ... which is NOT when the children went to sleep last night.

Hitting a Bloggy Wall

Pin It I've started a post several times and keep deleting it because it either doesn't sound right, or it sounds stupid, or it just feels like I'm not getting across what I want to say.

People keep asking me how I'm doing ... Honestly I can't usually answer that. There is a lot of ugliness in me that I'd prefer everyone not knowing about. (Okay, so yeah, let's post it on my BLOG!) I'm glad that the Lord is still working on me, and that His grace is sufficient for me. I know this, but I've been seriously lacking in the "relying on that grace" department. Without relying on the Lord, we all have various coping mechanisms that we use when life gets stressful. I've found myself going into those same patterns lately. To be honest, I think part of it is a fear that if I DO rely on the Lord, He's going to point out my lack of submission, and tell me to grow up and get over it. I know that sounds a lot more like MY voice than HIS, but I don't think I'm at a place where I can just let it go yet.

I do keep thinking that I'm not being very submissive, either to the Lord or to my husband here. More honestly, I don't have the first clue what submission looks like in this case. Am I supposed to be "I can't change this, so I need to make the best of it?" Or have a big shout-fest, get it all out, and then move on from there? Or stuff my feelings down, and really just rely on the Lord to patch things up afterwards? I don't know, and the fact that I don't know how to handle it is yet another factor that's shaking me up about it all because it's making me question some areas of my faith that I thought were sufficiently nailed down.

Well, there's more to this, but there seem to be small people around here who want me to do things for them, so I should close for now. We'll call this part a, and I'll get part b up later.

Vacation

Pin It Hello friends!

In our quest to cram an entire year's worth of fun into a few weeks, we made a rushed trip to San Antonio this past week. Sea World is free for military members plus three family members, so five for the price of one was too good a deal to pass up. We love San Antonio, but still haven't had the time to really explore all of the good things there. This is our third time to go all as a family and we've still only visiting Sea World, the Alamo, and Riverwalk. Maybe eventually we'll get to take the time to explore for real. In the meantime, we've completely enjoyed what we've done.

Here's a rundown of our trip:
Wednesday -- chaotic packing and cleaning. Finally got out of the house. There was this really cool restaurant in College Station that we've missed. We found that there was one just outside of Katy, so we decided we HAD to have a meal there! Freebirds!! Woohoo!! Okay, so we got to Katy at about 3:00, which is a really odd time for a meal, and we had to wake Brendan up to eat, but darn it, it's a vacation and if we want to have a meal at a weird time, we can. ;) And it WAS fabulous! We finally got to our hotel at about 7. The kids were itching to swim, but they were also wanting to eat. Go figure. Quick trip through Arby's, check into the hotel, toss kids into pool. Life is good.

Thursday -- Sea World! Woke up and Madelyn said "hm ... I feel kind of funny ..." She tends to get a bit of a nervous stomach from time to time, so I didn't think too much about it. She threw up and up and up. We gave her some tylenol and hoped for the best. It seemed to work for a while, and she had a good time until about lunch time. Then she started wilting and we had to decide whether to go ahead and leave or stay for the other two. We decided to just do shows in the afternoon (which Brendan loved, especially "Shampoo") and then get Madelyn back to the hotel and let the other two play in the pool some more.

Friday -- Downtown! Madelyn woke up feeling better. I gave her some tylenol immediately and kept giving it to her. We went to the Rivercenter mall because we knew we'd be going to the Alamo and wanted the girls to kind of see what it was about. The Imax Alamo movie was very good in my opinion. We all enjoyed going to the Alamo. Then the high point of the whole trip ... for Brendan! The Disney Store had a lot of Buzz Lightyear stuff. Doesn't get any better than that, if you're Brendan. He found the coolest Buzz toy and shoes and was so excited. We went on a boat ride down the river which he thought was very cool. Madelyn enjoyed it for a while, and Gabbi was a little bored with it. It was fun though, we had a great tour guide. Then we went back to the hotel ... and to my favorite restaurant for supper. La Madeleine!! WOOHOO~!!

Saturday -- time to go back home. :( We did stop at Katy Mills Mall along the way to let the kids stretch and to have lunch.

It was a great mini-vacation. I wish Madelyn had been feeling better; turns out she has strep! I hope I don't end up seriously regretting sharing my drink with her on Friday! One of the best and most amazing things ... NO ONE GOT SUNBURNED!! I think Brendan and I could get sunburned at night, so it was amazing to be able to keep that from happening.

I put pics up on facebook, so hop over there if you'd like to see vacation pics.

It has happened!!

Pin It Yep, finally, after almost 11 years of motherhood, it has happened!!

I waited and waited, knowing that it would happen someday, and finally it has!

My children have arisen and called me blessed.

I suspect that has more to do with the donuts than any real merit on my part, but hey, blessed is blessed, and I'm taking it! :D

To all the moms out there who are being shown love today in the form of macaroni necklaces, pipe cleaner butterflies, handprints, and dandelions, I hope you have a fabulous day! Keep training up your little darlings in the way they should go. When they're old, they will not depart from it. :)

And if you're just holding on, hoping that someday they will arise and call you blessed, a little trip to the donut shop couldn't hurt. ;)

We Have a Date

Pin It On the way to our field trip to Shangri La today, Jim's phone rang. He said it was the army. (I find it a little amusing that he always says "the army" rather than a specific person. I get this mental image of the entire army behind a person, kind of like Verizon commercials. Anyway.)

So the date is 6/5.

I'm content with it being earlier in the month rather than later. I'm not a fan of the long goodbye thing, and would prefer to just rip that bandaid right off over dragging it out over another month. It's not that at all. I'd just prefer to get it over with. Plus, the sooner he leaves, the sooner he'll be back.

That's the news from our house today. That, and we had an absolutely fabulous time at Shangri La. Maybe when I do some photo shrinking and editing, I'll share some pics. I have to say though -- the best pic of the day that I took was of my friend's son. I can't wait to show it to her!

Not Me Monday

Pin It

This is a brief and to the point "Not Me Monday" because I have NOT overbooked myself with too many things coming and going, and because of that, not only am I short of time, I seem to be short of attention span as well.

This post is brought to you by the following three things, two of which I love. Add the third one though ... and well, you'll see what happens:

TARGET

Those horrible, idiotic, annoying singing hamsters.

And this sweet little boy.

I did not have an awful trip to Target this week. The sweet little boy pictured above has not mastered the art of climbing into and out of the cart, as well as the art of unhooking the strap IF I happen to be quick enough to get it around him. This does not mean for a second that we have to race through the store trying to keep up with the three year old. He does not move much more quickly than I do, by the way.

Target did not have those cute little hamsters on clearance. Why on earth would those darling little things be on clearance? EVERYONE loves how they take the most annoying "stick in your head" songs on earth and sing them in this awful high pitch at volumes that should just not be allowed to the non-hearing impaired. There's just no real reason for these to be on clearance, right? Okay, so there weren't like twelve of these darling little critters sitting on the endcap right by where we needed to be.

My sweet son did not SQUEAL in delight when he saw the aisle we were on and rush in front of us to the endcap and start pushing hamster buttons ... or feet ... or whatever you push to make the vile little monsters start singing. He did not push EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. so that we had a cacophony of annoying songs in squeaky hamster voices that could break glass and certainly make my ears BLEED. And in the span of time it took me to find what I needed, he did not do this approximately 45623618547 times.

I did not at this point start to twitch. The girls did not nervously discuss amongst themselves that their mama had THAT look in her eye. The other unfortunate Target patrons did not start quickly moving away from our area. I did not just grab pastel colored letters when I really needed safari colored letters just to be done and off of that aisle.

I also did not start to seriously contemplate either bursting into tears, OR leaving the boy at Target.

And I also did not start composing this Not Me in my mind on the spot.

Ah ... how we love Target. And the boy.

and by the way ... if any of you local people get any design to go to Target and buy me one of those clearanced out hamsters for my very own ... remember, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, my memory is long, and coming up soon, I WILL have some free time in which to come up with a suitable torture gift for you in return.

You do NOT want to play this video:

I have nothing interesting to say.

Pin It I've tried to come up with something ... I've got nothing.

Life is crazy ... it's May, typical May craziness. Co-op ends Monday, choir ends next Saturday. I'm feeling VERY thankful that all of our activities aren't ending in one weekend this year. Last year we had all four - co-op, dance, choir, and awanas ending in one weekend.

I have one big thing to finish for co-op, then the work part will be done and I can sit back and enjoy the end of year festivities.

I think Jim's date may have been changed. We were thinking first week of June, but then someone told him something about June 25. The orders haven't actually been issued yet, so who really knows. Let me just tell ya - for a person who likes a plan, this is akin to torture. I'm really hoping he'll find out something this weekend. Something has to happen before the orders can be issued; I'm just hoping that's done soon. I just want to have some kind of idea as to what to expect!

Okay, we have a busy day today, and we're not even officially out of bed yet. Guess we should all get up and get started!